How Can I Prepare for Potential Postpartum Issues, Both for My Partner and Myself? 

The day had finally arrived, the one I was dreading for weeks!

My father was staying with my wife and me after our son was born, and was a massive help, but the time had come for him to return home. 

He would soon be over 300 miles away, and I had to face the impossible task of taking care of my now extended little family – without help from my wife.

My wife was bed ridden after her c-section, our two-year-old daughter was a human wrecking ball, and we now had a newborn little vampire that didn’t sleep at night.

After I hugged my dad and we said our goodbyes, I slowly walked into our old apartment knowing that the fate of the three people I loved more than life itself, was in my inexperienced hands.

No pressure!

If I blew it, we would all be dead – other than that, nothing to be worried about. 

At the time, we didn’t live by any family, and our friends in the area were busy with their young families.

I was all… alone… just me, myself and someone please save me!

That was my moment when I wanted to grab the keys and get out of Dodge, but I did my best to handle all this new responsibility, it just required giving up things like sleep and my sanity.

No big deal!

This kind of pressure is why one of the most important roles any man will ever take on, is fatherhood. Yet, this isn’t like being a solider or a firefighter, there is no formal training, and you get thrown into the live action right away.

If you are a new or expectant dad worried about how to prepare yourself for postpartum issues like I encountered, read on to discover some of the secrets I uncovered.

One of the best ways to be prepared is through self-education

Unfortunately, new dads aren’t forced to train for fatherhood, even though the world would be a better place if they were.

This is why so many guys, like a few of my friends, leave “the baby stuff” to their wives and girlfriends.

Basically, a woman should be born pre-programmed knowing everything about motherhood. 

Right, totally logical!

Let’s just say many of my buddies can be mental midgets at times, especially about fatherhood.

Here’s the thing, and I know this is going to blow your mind – are you ready for it?

Guys can learn just as much about taking care of babies as women!

I know it seems totally insane but hear me out for a minute.

Women learn about motherhood by educating themselves through reading, asking friends and research.

All kidding aside, it is your responsibility as a new father to become self-educated about your partner’s pregnancy and how to handle postpartum life.

However, the pregnancy police aren’t going to come arrest you for failure to comply. You will just be a shitty dad who didn’t care to get involved in helping both your partner and unborn child.

There is an abundance of help out there for willing new dads, so please take advantage of it.

Ok, but what are some problems I need to be aware of after my baby is born?

While it would be impossible to cover everything in this article, some of the most common issues to look out for include postpartum depression, jaundice and growth spurts. 

Postpartum depression – many people falsely assume that only moms can become depressed after a baby is born. Unfortunately, fathers can be susceptible as well.

If depression is left untreated, new moms and dads may eventually try to take their life. That is why it is ultra-important that you learn to recognize the signs of postpartum depression in both your partner and yourself.

Be sure to study up on the differences between postpartum depression and the baby blues detailed by the Mayo Clinic.

If you start to recognize any of these signs in your partner, I can’t stress enough that you need to get her help ASAP!

On the other hand, if many of these symptoms apply to you, please speak to a loved one or call the helpline for dads at PSI (Postpartum Support International).

Jaundice – This is quite a common condition, so there is a good chance this will happen with your child.

Jaundice is caused by a buildup of bilirubin in your baby’s blood. 

Most cases of jaundice are mild, but it’s important to know the signs so your newborn can get treatment if needed.

Please click here for a list of these symptoms from the March of Dimes.

Growth spurts – Our introduction to newborn growth spurts was a nightmare because our daughter wouldn’t stop crying.

Her wailing got so bad we were considering a trip to the emergency room!

My sister-in-law saved the day when my wife called her for advice, and correctly told us that it sounded like a growth spurt.

To learn more about the symptoms of baby growth spurts, please click here.

Knowledge and experience breeds self-confidence in new dads

When I was left on my own to care for my entire family, one thing I had in my favor was some real-world experience caring for a newborn.

Thankfully I had learned how to care for my two-year-old daughter, so I wasn’t learning everything on the fly.

Guys can learn just as much about taking care of babies as women!

I also knew ahead of time that my wife was going to have a c-section, so I studied up on what her recovery process would be like, and what my role would be (become superdad!)

However, I had no clue how to take care of two kids at once. It seemed like such a daunting task, especially because I also had to take care of my wife, do all the cooking and cleaning, all while on a few hours of sleep a day. 

I was in constant fear that I wouldn’t be able to handle it all.

However, my confidence grew each day that I managed to juggle everything without my wife or kids ending up in ER!

That really is the big secret here – being prepared and then acting on what you know.

This sense of accomplishment, no matter big or small, goes a long way towards building up your belief that you can tackle whatever fatherhood throws at you.

Take the rough days minute by minute

I wish I could brag about becoming a superdad when my wife was out of commission, but the reality is I was more hanging by a thread than a hero. In fact, some days I don’t even know how I was keeping my eyes open!

There were times I was so tired after getting my 2-3 hours of sleep a night, that I had to pry my eyes open. That’s not even an exaggeration – my eyes literally wouldn’t open because my body was so tired!

In times like this, you just have to find a way to push on and get through one minute and then the next.

Often times, I would give myself pep talks to get through the day and try to keep lasered focus on each task I had to accomplish.

In my case, there was no one coming to my rescue until my wife was recovered, so it became a test of endurance that I knew I couldn’t fail.

You must be ready for anything and trust your instincts

Shortly after my father left, things rapidly got a lot worse, as that evening my wife went into toxic shock!

At the time, neither of us knew my wife was in such grave danger, but when she could hardly get into the bathtub and looked ashen, I was adamant we get her to the ER.

Unfortunately, my wife was acting stubborn and thought she would be ok.

I had to take control of the situation at this point because she was obviously not thinking straight, and I woke the kids, loaded them in the car, then carried my wife out and headed to the hospital.

At the ER, we were told that my wife was in a state of toxic shock and her organs were shutting down. I almost fell over when I heard that had we waited another couple of hours, she likely would have died!

To this day we still aren’t sure what happened, but the doctors believed my wife’s placenta wasn’t fully removed, which possibly caused the infection that almost killed her.

Thankfully I trusted my instincts and my wife made a full recovery.

Nothing prepares you for situations like this when you become a father. However, you will need to learn to keep a clear head and make sound decisions, even if you feel panic rising inside you.

Sometimes these decisions could be life or death with your partner or child.

As you will soon discover, this is just the path a good father must walk.

Very few of us escape that reality, unfortunately.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Despite my joke about being a “superdad”, never be too proud to ask for help from family and friends.

I did ask my father to come stay with us again when I started to feel overwhelmed. I also got over the fear of asking our busy friends to run some errands for me.

Having a loved one make a trip to a grocery store, asking for Uncle Bert to cook dinner, or letting someone do your laundry are all simple ways you just have to let go and accept help.

As I guy, I know all too well how hard it is for us to ask for a helping hand, but a good father knows only a fool would make his life harder in trying times! 

Embrace the chaos to start your journey of self-discovery

After your baby is born, life is going to become chaotic, but educating yourself and being prepared will make your postpartum days much less stressful.

I started to find an odd enjoyment in this mayhem, and how I was stepping up when my wife really needed me. In the beginning I was filled with self-doubt, but I learned a lot about myself during this time, both good and bad! 

Having a baby is the ultimate test for any guy, and it can reveal a lot about yourself that you never had to confront before.

You may find that you are more of a selfish person than you realized, or that you don’t handle stressful situations well.

Ie, I discovered that I really had to work on my patience and quick temper.

However, that is why fatherhood is so wonderful. It forces you to become a better man for the sake of your child and partner!