Becoming a new father forces a man to take a hard look in the mirror. If you don’t like what you see, read on to discover how you can fix your mental game!
I looked down at my father laying in a pool of blood, and I desperately wanted to finish the job.
No more terror, I could finally be free from this nightmare!
Moments earlier, my father had lost his mind and started to snap my hockey sticks over his knee.
My great sin for this punishment was leaving the sticks on the porch.
When I tried to grab one of the sticks from my father, he lunged at me and I instinctively threw a hard upper cut into his face, then body slammed him onto the concrete!
It was the first time I ever fought back, but a lifetime of fear suddenly turned into blind rage.
As my father laid there moaning in our driveway, I picked up my foot to curb stomp him into the afterlife, but something deep inside pulled me back from the abyss.
I could feel my labored breathing starting to return to normal and stared intently at the Timberlands on my feet, imagining the horror of them stained with my father’s blood!
How did it get to this insanity?
It shook the hell out of me that I was moments away from killing my father and becoming a monster like him.
I was just 16, not yet a man, but no longer a boy.
All I wanted was for my father’s abuse to stop and as my anger overcame me, ridding myself of him felt like the only way out.
Fortunately for both of us, I learned that day I did have control over my temper, even when I was right on the cusp of going into Krazytown.
You would think a life altering moment like this would have changed me permanently – but it only showed me I had this inner monster that scared the hell out of me. However, I still struggled with my anger issues and severe lack of patience well into adulthood.
So, what finally changed me into the much calmer man I am today?
Fatherhood!
Becoming a dad completed my path of healing, as the weight of fatherhood finally triggered something deep inside my brain to change for the better.
I knew it was time to stop ignoring my heavy personal baggage and to face it head on for the sake of my newborn daughter.
All new dads have baggage
New dads have personalities as varied as the backgrounds we all come from.
Some of us have had violent upbringings, others may come from a broken home, or perhaps you were lucky enough to have a loving and happy family.
However, just because you have the advantage of a healthy childhood, that doesn’t necessarily mean you will become a better father than a dad who had a more dysfunctional upbringing.
No matter what your childhood background is, it’s important to understand that you can be a good father!
All new dads have baggage we carry around with us, which could be a combination of poor self-esteem, a bad temper, selfishness, a lack of patience, or childhood trauma.
Long story short, no guy is perfect!
A man’s journey into fatherhood is all about his commitment to being an involved parent that wants the best for his child.
This of course all boils down to your mental game and whether fatherhood will elicit meaningful change in how you think.
Do you hear a voice inside your head pleading with you to change into a better man for your child?
All great dads throughout mankind have heard that same voice and this transformation in your brain is the key to becoming a good father!
A great dad has a positive mental attitude!
Even though I grew up with a violent and abusive father, I was fortunate enough to have a wonderful mother who helped shape me into the man I am today.
She was very big on positivity and had an optimistic outlook on life, despite the way my father abused all of us (my brother included).
My mother once told me that this world is full of negativity, and it’s very easy… even cowardly… to give into the cynicism around us.
She was quite fond of saying that “Being positive and happy takes work!”
Fatherhood only transforms you into an enlightened dad if you are willing and open to it.
In my youth I never fully understood what my mother meant by that, but once I became a father it all started to make sense.
We live in a doom and gloom culture, and to be a joyful person, you must work hard to fight off the pessimism the world throws at us.
If you have a negative outlook on life, that will be reflect in your child’s attitude as well. You in fact, will be setting your son or daughter up for a lifetime of misery!
By putting in the work to find the positive in your life, you are giving yourself a much better chance to become a great dad, one who is involved with his child and is grateful for all the little things fatherhood has to offer!
Will fatherhood make me a better man?
So many new dads ask me this question, as if it’s inevitable you will magically transform into a wise superdad when your baby is born!
Get real my man!
Fatherhood only transforms you into an enlightened dad if you are willing and open to it.
I have half a dozen buddies and several acquaintances that had kids, but remained the same self-absorbed bone heads they always were!
Who you become as a new dad is all up to you, but keep in mind that neither your partner, nor your child can force you to change.
First and foremost, to become a bad ass new dad, you must be willing to embrace the opportunity cost of having a child. The time you used to have doing things you enjoyed, will now mostly be dedicated to caring for your newborn.
Some guys are just too selfish to ever get past this kind of mental roadblock, unfortunately.
However, this is just one of many obstacles you will need to overcome as a new father.
Are you willing to go outside of your comfort zone for your child?
Will you take on the challenges of making important decisions for your kid?
Do you have the enduring patience necessary to be a good dad?
The ultimate answer to these questions is just the tip of the iceberg, however. Fatherhood will present you with numerous challenges that you can’t even begin to anticipate as an expectant dad.
As a perfect example, even a mild-mannered guy that rarely gets angry could be susceptible to become abusive with his child. Trust me on this, your kid will push all the right buttons to set you off as she grows older.
It isn’t a matter of if, but when!
Will you be able to handle it without lashing out verbally or even physically towards your child?
Once again, this is why the mental side of being a good father is so pivotal.
The secrets to becoming a great dad!
If you want to become an amazing new dad, just follow this simple formula…
Ya, right!
I wish it was that easy, but unfortunately, we all have to carve our own unique paths through fatherhood. For some it may come easier than others, but what really matters is that you embrace the mental side of fatherhood.
If you want to become the kind of father your child deserves, you will need to:
- Put your child’s needs first
- Have a well of patience
- Become a good listener
- Be fair with your child
- Show compassion
- Have self-control
- Be positive about life
Most new dads will lack many of these qualities, but that’s perfectly normal. By working on your faults, you will change over time and keep evolving into a better dad every year.
It’s important to understand that you will be very flawed as a new father.
Any dad who claims he had it all figured out and didn’t have to improve himself, is a straight up liar!
Figuring things out is hard enough when you are a new dad, so putting any kind of unnecessary pressure on yourself is pure silliness.
Remember, fatherhood is a marathon, not a sprint.
You need to be in this for the long haul, and you must have a strong mental game if you want to endure the trials of fatherhood!
