Are Men Happier as Fathers?

The young good-looking kid was staring back at me with a mischievous grin and all I could think about was…

“How the hell did I get so old!”

I had just found some vintage photos of myself as a teen posing with my hockey buddies, and it was hard to believe that over twenty years had passed since that day.

It seemed like a lifetime ago, with faded memories of who I was, and how much my life had change over the years.

In a way, I almost couldn’t remember who that guy was, to be honest.

I started to wonder what it would be like to jump back into that moment in time and just have a heartfelt conversation with my younger self.

Would the younger me be disappointed or elated with what I told him about the future?

Most importantly, would I want to offer him any advice that would change the course of my life for the better?

Most of us have past regrets that we wish had never happened, but I started to feel a sense of relief the more I contemplated what it would be like to face my teenage self.

I could tell him I was truly happy and had a wonderful family that would bring him so much joy one day, but also warn him not to worry about the “Crazy Jenny” phase to!

Becoming that carefree teen again felt quite tempting, but I would never sacrifice my family to be him again.

My wife and kids, most especially being a dad, makes me not only proud of who I have become, but happy as well!

However, as I’ll explain in a moment, it took a lot of work on my part to overcome my past and settle into the life of a well-adjusted and happy father.

Will fatherhood make you happy?

If you are a moody individual that carries around inner demons, becoming a father isn’t some panacea that will instantly make your personal issues go away.

In fact, your mental baggage could make your child’s life living hell if you aren’t careful!

That’s why in my book, “Raising Daddy: The Ultimate Quickstart Guide for Expectant Dads”, I discuss the importance of having a positive mindset when you become a father.

So many of my friends, even a few in the photo I mentioned earlier, took the wrong approach to fatherhood.

Most of us grew up with rough backgrounds, and unfortunately this past trauma became a catalyst for some of my buddies to become shitty dads.

It’s heartbreaking to write, but several of my old friends want nothing to do with their kids, and their children mostly seem to hate them.

As I grew up with an angry father that made my life a nightmare throughout my teen years, I can certainly relate to these bitter feelings.

I can’t stress enough that having a child won’t cure your personal issues if you are an unhappy and miserable person.

You are responsible for your own happiness

I have been quite open about what I went through in my childhood with an abusive father, and my determination to be a better man and loving dad.

While I spent years working to resolve the emotional issues from my past, it would be a lie to say that becoming a father fully resolved the baggage I was carrying around.  

Having children was the final piece to helping me heal, however.

Being responsible for a life other than my own, made me hell bent on becoming a positive person that didn’t have a hair trigger temper.

This was no longer about just me anymore, and I couldn’t afford to fail or there would have been major consequences for my children.

I knew they would grow up to be negative and unhappy people if I constantly projected a negative attitude about life.

The whole idea of my kids being miserable because of me turned my stomach!

For the first time in my life, I fully understood that I was responsible for my happiness and had to make a daily effort to find personal joy.

A big part of that was changing my entire attitude and being grateful for all the good things in my life.

It isn’t easy to find the positive in everyday life with so much negativity around us, but the more I worked at it, the easier it became.

By taking full responsibility for my happiness, I was able to put myself on the right path towards becoming a good father!

Misery is a choice

I can’t promise that having a child will make you an overall happier dude.

In fact, as I already mentioned, many guys I know with kids simply chose to be cowards and make everyone around them miserable.

Unless you have a documented mental illness, you are choosing not to fight for your happiness.

You must not only see your children as a gift and find the gratitude in being a dad, but actively work towards your mental well-being!

Sadly, many new dads will fight against the bliss that becoming a father can bring.

However, this is nothing but fear that is holding you back.

For the first time in my life, I fully understood that I was responsible for my happiness and had to make a daily effort to find personal joy.

Once again, our society focuses so much on negativity, that many of us are scared to be happy!

It’s totally bananas, but if you truly search your feelings, you will know exactly what I’m talking about.

This is why you must allow yourself to feel the joy of being a dad and don’t run from it – embrace it! 

Revel in the fact that you are now responsible for another life and get to shape your child’s mind.

Think about the wonderful relationship the two of you will have one day, and how your child will adore you! 

I have that exact relationship with my kids now and its awesome!

By using this kind of positive mental imaging, you will not only put yourself on the best path to becoming a great father, but a happy one as well!