Discover the universal values all good fathers must pass along to their children.
“I need your help bailing Emma out of jail!”
My aunt’s words shook me up, and this was about the last thing I had expected to hear when I answered her call.
My little cousin, that I had helped raise since she was a baby, was now… in jail?
What in the living hell was going on?
For a moment, I was hoping that my aunt had lost her damn mind.
The harsh reality was my little cousin had grown into an adult that made some very poor life choices, and now my aunt needed my help sending a Venmo payment to the bail bondsman.
As this ordeal played out over the next several months, I honestly wanted to go off on Emma and tell her that she needed to grow the hell up!
Her mind-boggling lack of common sense helped land my cousin in jail for a weekend, yet she still wouldn’t own her mistakes.
That’s because it was all my aunt and uncle’s fault!
Yep, this is what my cousin had the stones to tell them.
Apparently, they weren’t giving Emma enough help to afford rent and food, so the truth of the matter was, this was all on them!
It didn’t matter if her parents gave repeated warnings that her job wouldn’t be able to cover the costs of living down in Florida.
Now get this, my aunt and uncle were generous enough to cover all of Emma’s legal fees, which ended up being north of 75k!
Yet my ungrateful cousin continued to blame them for what happened.
Do you think she learned her lesson after messing up her life this badly?
Ya, right!
It has been a year since this incident occurred, but I guarantee you that Emma will make a mess of her life again, because she refuses to look in the mirror and be accountable for her poor decisions.
As parents, we want to pass our values onto our children, but sometimes reality can bite us in the ass and our kids turn into….
Assholes!
In my aunt’s case, she raised two children exactly the same, but with wildly different results.
My other cousin Greg, moved to Europe and never asked his parents for help, and has become quite successful.
He’s also a really good dude, who is very kind and respectful of others.
Emma on the other hand is selfish as hell, does only what’s best for number one, and her life continues to spiral out of control.
Ultimately, as a new father you will be in charge of molding a young mind into a productive member of society.
It’s not a challenge for the faint of heart, and it can be soul crushing if you do everything in your power to raise a thoughtful and kind child, but he turns into a real SOB.
However, study after study shows that children with loving and involved fathers are much more likely to turn into healthy, well-adjusted adults, than kids who grow up without dads.
That is the kind of enormous influence that fathers hold, and the biggest ace that we hold up our sleeves.
Every guy has his own values that he wishes to instill in his child, but I would humbly suggest that every good father follow these core principles:
Accountability is key to raising a well behaved child
As I touched on earlier, my cousin has made a mess of her life, while her brother has become all a parent could hope for.
A large part of this is because Emma never learned to be accountable for her mistakes, while Greg did.
For most of Emma’s life, she never took responsibility for any wrongdoing, and has always had a stubborn mindset that some pretend boogieman is doing her dirty.
Nothing is ever Emma’s fault, and she has a laundry list of justifications for her actions, no matter how idiotic they are.
I can tell you right now that getting your child to own up to her mistakes will be so frustrating that you will want to pull out your hair (if you have any left!).
The kind of excuses that kids come up with to justify their actions can be so illogical that dwelling on it too long may give you permanent brain damage!
You can even have video evidence of wrongdoing and your child will tell you with a straight face the person in the video isn’t them.
Kids will test their limits and see what they can get away with, and it’s your responsibility as a father to show your child that there are consequences when he makes poor choices.
Simply put, children despise admitting when they are wrong, and would rather gnaw their arm off than admit to something!
This is the kind of unyielding defiance you will be up against as a father, and teaching your child to be accountable for their actions will likely be one of the hardest lessons you ever teach him.
Success here will be measured by years of perseverance and a type of steadfast hope that your child will one day have that light bulb moment.
Consistent discipline is the best way to teach accountability
Now that we have established your child will believe “the man” is out to get him (that’s you by the way), your biggest ally in this fight will be your consistency when doling out punishments.
However, your kid won’t simply fess up and willingly accept your hand of justice.
That’s not how this works my man!
Did you ever rat yourself out as a kid?
Hell no!
We were all young once and tried running the same scam on our parents, right?
Kids aren’t stupid, but neither are parents (I was let in on this little secret when I became a dad!).
So, you need to accept that most of your child’s life through his teenage years will be the “mess around and find out” stage.
Kids will test their limits and see what they can get away with, and it’s your responsibility as a father to show your child that there are consequences when he makes poor choices.
Unfortunately, many parents feel guilty about punishing their children, which can lead to inconsistent discipline that confuses kids.
This delivers the wrong message and will never truly teach your child to be accountable for his actions!
You can’t allow guilt to get in the way of what’s best for your child.
Ultimately, if you stay on point and keep delivering the same consistent messages about what’s right and wrong, your kid will have a much better chance of growing into a responsible adult!
You can’t go wrong with the Golden Rule
No matter if you are a deeply religious person, an atheist, or even agnostic, a parent can never go wrong teaching their child to treat others well.
My parenting philosophy is deeply rooted in following the Golden Rule, which simply tells us to treat others how we wish to be treated.
None of us enjoy rude behavior, physical abuse, or being called names, so why would we treat others this way?
It’s pretty obvious that if everyone followed this rule, the world would be an ideal place to live, with everyone sliding down rainbows and high fiving unicorns!
Dare to dream, right?
However, teaching our children to treat others with respect and dignity should be a universal value all fathers can easily agree on.
The beauty in this rule, is it allows your child to visualize being in someone else’s shoes and teaches empathy.
Helping a child to understand how his words and actions can harm others, is one of the most important steps he can take to becoming a good dude.
Your child’s transformation may be a bumpy one
Every kid is unique, and there is no real way to know what your child’s future personality will be like when he’s only a baby.
He may quickly catch on to your values and be a patient and kind soul from childhood.
Some kids are built this way, and it’s a beautiful thing to behold!
However, from my experience kids like this are rare, unfortunately.
For most of us, our children may go through various stages of well… being assholes!
It’s important to stay the course and never give up on your child, even when it seems like he is destined to be a jackass for life.
Many people change for the better through their teen years and well into adulthood.
The reality here is that we only have so much control in how our children turn out.
You have to accept that eventually your kid is going to grow up and develop his own personality separate from yours, while all you can do is hold your breath and hope you did a good job with him.
As fathers, we must take comfort in the fact that our children will have a much better chance of becoming well-adjusted and kindly adults because of our presence in their lives!
