As a new father, you have a life altering decision to make in how you discipline your child. If you believe in corporal punishment, you can’t afford to skip this article.
Did you ever sit around and think about ways to kill your father when you were a kid?
If this question seems disturbing to you, chances are high your childhood wasn’t a nightmare of abuse like mine and many other unfortunate adults.
No child should ever live in constant fear of his or her father, but that’s exactly what it’s like for so many abused kids growing up.
I never knew when my father was going to throw me a beating, and most importantly, what would set him off.
The most terrifying thing I had to endure was the randomness behind it all.
Every day I played a game of Russian Roulette child abuse, waiting for my dad to kick the shit out of me or not.
Some days the chamber was empty, other days the proverbial live bullet would fly.
It was pure mental torture, but as an abused child I learned ways of dealing.
For instance, when my dad slammed me on the ground and started wailing on me, I learned to turn my body so my back took most of the blows.
It still hurt, but the pain wasn’t as bad… unless he got a few kidney shots in.
Not going to lie, those hurt like a bitch!
I could have easily been another link in the chain of abuse on my father’s side, but my mother got me into counseling and made me promise to break this harmful cycle.
What I went through as a child has made me staunchly against any form of corporal punishment with children.
I can tell you after being deep in the trenches of fatherhood, there is another way to punish your child, without laying your hands on him.
Hopefully, by the end of this article I can help sway you away from the idea that hitting your child is an effective means of discipline.
You must do proper research on spanking
As a new father, it’s important that you learn how to do meticulous research, as you will be faced with countless decisions that require valid information.
As an example, some random guy’s opinion on Reddit isn’t exactly the kind of expert opinion that I’d trust.
Just because he tells you spanking is cool, doesn’t mean it is!
These posts generally always include the “I was spanked as a kid and I’m ok” disclaimer.
First of all, how do I know you are ok, boss? You may be the kind of dude that punches a hole in the wall because your TV remote isn’t working.
Yet I’m supposed to take this guy’s advice on something as life altering as spanking my child?
Uh, nope.
I will always trust information about the harmful effects of spanking from places like the National Institute of Health and the American Psychological Association over a random Reddit user.
I’m not here to force you to trust the same sources as me, but it’s important to deeply scrutinize where you are getting your information.
This research is for your child, so it’s vital that the information is reliable.
What trustworthy studies say about spanking
No matter how proponents of spanking try to spin it, by using corporal punishment you are teaching your child that violence is acceptable.
Study after study continues to show that spanking has detrimental effects for children.
A recent study published in the Society for Research in Child Development has confirmed a disturbing trend in the way spanking alters the mind of a child.
You can read the study here.
If you don’t have time to read the study now, here is the low down – you are setting up your child to have deep mental issues when you spank him!
This includes anxiety, depression, a bad temper, doing poorly at school, being more susceptible to abuse drugs, and most importantly of all, your child will very likely come to resent and hate you.
As someone who was an abused child, I can pretty much confirm all of this to be true.
Please keep in mind that when you hit your child, even if it’s “just spanking”, it very well can lead to the kind of physical abuse I suffered from.
Many parents start out with spankings and before they are even aware, have become child abusers.
Please don’t go down this path because there is a better way!
How to discipline your child without spanking
I know for a fact that you don’t have to lay your hands on a child to discipline her, get your point across, and modify bad behavior.
Two of the most powerful things I use to discipline my kids are communication and consistency.
No matter how proponents of spanking try to spin it, by using corporal punishment you are teaching your child that violence is acceptable.
My kids know I don’t play around, because when I make a threat, I always follow through.
If my teenage daughter is acting out and I threaten to take something she loves away (bye bye iPhone!), she knows not to test me.
You can also get your message across in other ways – I have taken away play dates when my kids were younger, not allowed my daughter to play in her hockey games, put my kids in “the boring room” to calm them down, etc.
Basically, I find what they love and take it away!
I have also clearly communicated the rules of our household to my kids, and the type of behavior I expect from them outside of our home.
They are fully aware of the consequences when they do mess up.
Most importantly, I don’t feel guilt when I punish my kids, because I know it’s helping turn them into responsible adults.
This allows me to stay consistent when I discipline my kids, which is essential to helping them understand how to be accountable for their actions.
Also, don’t underestimate the power of your voice as an alternative when you get the urge to spank your child (and you will many times!)
Now this is something I try to use strategically, because if I yelled at my kids constantly, my “angry voice” would lose its power.
However, when I do decide to yell, it has become very effective at getting my kids to stop their behavior.
If you do it properly and keep your cool, strategic yelling is a great deterrent when your kids aren’t listening.
Please don’t be the dad that hits his kids
I hope I’ve given you some food for thought here.
I’m a living example of how an abused child can choose another path and break the chain of violence in his family.
So, I am coming from a wealth of experience on this subject.
Regardless of if you had an abusive childhood, or you are a new dad who doesn’t fully understand the deep psychological effects of spanking, you must find another way to discipline your child.
I don’t want your kid to grow up hating you like I did my father.
It’s a shitty way to live your childhood, and no loving father should ever want his child to carry around this type of anger in his heart.
Not when there is another way my man.
Whether you use my advice or find your own non-violent methods to discipline your child, please know that not laying your hands on him is one of the best decisions you will ever make as a father!
