Is It Essential to Take Paternity Leave?

“I’m done with this shit!”

It was 3 AM and I had just plopped onto the couch and begged for sleep or death to come quickly!

The sleep gods had mercy on me, and I instantly fell into a deep sleep, but no more than ten minutes had passed when I was jolted awake by my newborn son’s screams.

At this point, I literally had to take my fingers and pry my eyelids open!

That’s the moment I cursed the world and stumbled into my son’s bedroom to feed him – again.

I had no choice but to solider on…

There was no one coming to save me, so I had to be a one-man army. 

My wife had just given birth by c-section and was bedridden for almost a month after further complications. During this time, she could only breastfeed our son, but couldn’t lift him or do most of his care.

I was pulling triple duty caring for our newborn, my wife and our two-year-old daughter during this time.

My nightly routine became an absolute nightmare and a test of endurance that even a Navy Seal would cringe at!

Every night was the same horror show, trying to find pockets of time to grab power naps before I was back on duty.

My son was waking up several times a night to feed, and by the time I gave him his bottle and got him settled back to sleep, I would have maybe 45 minutes to sleep until I had to wake up and give my wife her medications.

Then I would try to fall back asleep before my son woke up for another feeding!

When the morning came, I had maybe three hours of sleep on a good night, and now I was faced with the scariest job on Earth – caring for our two-year-old terror!

This routine went on for a little over a month until my wife had fully healed, and if I had not taken paternity leave, there is little doubt I would have dropped dead about a week in!

There was absolutely no way in hell that I would have been in any type of shape to work on three hours rest every night.

Without a doubt, my decision to take paternity leave was a crucial part of caring for my family when they needed me to step up.

If you are also considering taking time off when your baby comes, there are some important things you must know if you reside within the United States.

Are new dads entitled to paternity leave in the United States?

So, here is the straight truth if you live in the U.S. as I do – the current federal laws for paternity leave are a depressing joke.

The U.S. is the only high-income nation in the world without any federal paid family leave laws. 

This sadly applies to moms as well.

In the U.S. the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) is a federal law that most companies must follow to allow their employees up to twelve weeks of unpaid leave after the birth of a child.

It does apply to both moms and dads, but please note the “unpaid” part.

Once again, the U.S. is the only one out of forty high income nations that doesn’t have any form of federal paid family leave laws.

To say the United States is lagging behind the rest of the world would be a gross understatement!

However, there is some good news, depending on where you live and the company you work for.

Some states do have paid family leave laws, as well as more and more employers getting on board with paid family leave policies.

Research done in 2020 by the Society for Human Resource Management discovered that 45% of companies within the U.S. are now offering some form of paid paternity leave.

Please be aware that with some employers, you may have to take sick/vacation days before using their family leave benefits.

This is why even if you aren’t planning to take paternity leave, that you sit down with someone in your HR department to learn about both your company policies and state laws.

This way you will understand exactly how much time you can afford to take off if the unexpected happens when your child is born.

As of the time of this writing, only thirteen states have mandatory paid family leave acts on the books.

So, your chances of being in a state with paid family leave laws isn’t very high, unfortunately.

The U.S. is the only high-income nation in the world without any federal paid family leave laws. 

This means you will likely have to rely on your employer’s family leave policies to get any form of paid time off when your baby is born.

However, there are some alternatives if you both your state and employer leave you out in the cold.

How can I financially survive unpaid paternity leave?

Many new fathers will find themselves without access to paid family leave, which is why only around 5% of all new dads in the U.S. have taken any form of paternity leave.

While some new dads don’t take paternity leave out of fear that it will hurt their careers, most fathers simply can’t afford to take off work for a month or more without an income.

If you are in the unfortunate situation where you live in a state that doesn’t have any paid family leave laws and your employer doesn’t offer this benefit as well, here are a few ways you can afford to take paternity leave:

• Plan and save. Put a nest egg away that will help cover all of your expenses while you are on leave. Don’t forget to budget for your new baby as well!
• Take vacation time. Many new dads will simply use a couple weeks of paid vacation time when the baby is born.
• If your company offers remote work, this may be a great option to keep the income flowing while you stay home and help with the baby.
• Try crowdfunding. Tell an honest story about why you are taking your paternity leave, and people may be willing to reach out and help.
• If you have well to do parents, ask if you can borrow money from them interest free to cover your expenses when you are off work.

I wish I could present you with better options, but unfortunately if you are a U.S. citizen, you will most likely get the short end of the stick with paternity leave.

What else should I know about taking paternity leave?

While the financial concerns of taking paternity leave are one of the most important aspects to consider, research shows that taking paternity leave has many benefits including:

• Father-baby bonding time
• Strengthening the relationship with your partner
• Helps improve your baby’s development
• Paternal brain training

The last benefit is extremely important, as men don’t just magically know how to care for babies when they pop out!

Research shows that fathers who spend substantial time engaging with their newborns, start to develop the emotional and cognitive abilities to care for their children.

Basically, by taking paternal leave and helping to care for your baby, you are training your brain to become a good dad!

I can attest to this firsthand and would encourage you to plan on taking off work for at least two weeks after your baby is born.

While this amount of time isn’t ideal, it will at least help you bond with your baby and learn how to start caring for him, which is essential for any good father.

As we have already discussed, living in the U.S. makes parental leave quite the challenge, but planning ahead to take time off will truly help ease your transition into fatherhood!