Many first time dads feel like they are being left behind when their partners are pregnant. However, there are numerous ways you can become an involved father long before your baby is even born.
I peered through the window with the women inside, and something stirred inside of me…
Was I being a Peeping Tom?
Hell no, get your mind out of the gutter bro!
I was about ten years old and had just been kicked out of a baby shower my mother was hosting.
Now I was getting mad as hell!
My brother and I retreated to our tree house, and I grabbed a pair of binoculars laying under my comic book collection.
We needed a new battle plan to try and get back inside and heist some of the food.
My eyes fixated on the window by the back porch, but when I peered through the binoculars, all I saw was a room full of women!
The deepest cut came when I caught a glimpse of my younger cousin eating a cookie with chocolate smeared on her face.
This was some bullshit – she got to be inside simply by being a girl, but I had to leave because I was a dude!
My anger was now fueling me, and I couldn’t let this injustice stand!
I came up with a brilliant idea to sneak through the basement door and my bro and I would then run through the dining room to grab all the food we could hold.
We just needed to get out of Dodge before anyone caught us!
It was almost a flawless plan, if only the basement door had not been locked…
“Operation Brownie” was ultimately unsuccessful, but I did get a taste that day for how men get left out and forgotten about when women are pregnant.
When my wife was carrying our first child, she of course had a baby shower and I got nothing!
Now, my wife brought me back some brownies from the shower, but you get the point right?
All the attention was on my wife and our growing baby, but I was Mr. Forgotten!
Maybe I wasn’t as bitter as I’m pretending to be (Ok, I didn’t really care), but there is some truth to the fact that expectant dads can start to feel left out during the pregnancy.
Your partner is doing all the heavy lifting and for first time dads, you may feel like useless matter.
However, there is a laundry list of things expectant dads can do before your baby comes along!
How expectant dads can get involved right away
The best advice I can give to any expectant dad, is to start educating yourself about what’s to come.
Why I wrote a book all about that (shameless plug):
“Raising Daddy: The Ultimate Quickstart Guide for Expectant Dads!”
All kidding aside, I truly believe my book will help empower almost any first-time dad, or I wouldn’t have written it!
Education is absolutely essential when you are having a baby, and I’ve confessed many times on this very site that fear paralyzed the hell out of me in the beginning.
After my wife revealed that she was pregnant, I was losing sleep every night and fighting internal demons that were relentlessly taunting me about how I was going to fail as a father.
Becoming an involved and loving father takes a lifetime commitment, but you must start building your foundation before your baby is born.
Shortly after my wife’s first trimester, she handed me some baby books, and almost immediately I started sleeping better as I learned about the road ahead.
I was no longer trying to feel my way through the dark without a clue and hoping for the best.
Once I realized I didn’t have to go into fatherhood as some uneducated rube, it was a true game changer!
The building blocks of an involved father
Becoming an involved and loving father takes a lifetime commitment, but you must start building your foundation before your baby is born.
This means accepting that fatherhood begins the moment you discover that your partner is pregnant.
Remember, even though you can’t see your child yet, you are now a father!
This is because learning how to protect and care for your child should start months before he is born.
While there is much to learn, the building blocks of a first-time father begin by mastering these three essential skills:
Car seats – A good dad is an expert in car seat safety. I can’t stress enough how important it is that you not only have a proper car seat picked out and installed before your baby comes, but you need to have it inspected as well.
While the scope of this article can’t even begin to touch on everything you need to learn about car seats, start your education by visiting the NHTSA website on car seat safety.
Babyproofing – Keeping your baby safe once he becomes a mini mobile unit, can be an exhausting job if you are forced to take a crash course on babyproofing.
This makes it much more likely that you will make avoidable mistakes that can put your child in harm’s way.
Don’t mess around and wait, brush up on the art of babyproofing as soon as possible. Ideally before your child is born.
To learn some of the basics now, visit Safekids.org.
Baby care – Taking care of your newborn isn’t rocket surgery, but it does take a willingness to learn and educate yourself.
From feeding your baby, to bathing and dressing him, you should understand the basics, or you will again be putting your child at risk.
Thankfully there are bootcamps for dads popping up all around the US that will help prepare you for the big day, or you could watch videos on baby care, ask a friend with a baby to help you out, and of course read, read, and read some more!
New fathers should never be the backup parent
Getting involved in your child’s life, even before he comes into the world, is all about you being proactive.
Don’t sit around waiting for your partner to make all the decisions for your baby and put the burden on her to learn everything about child rearing.
Many guys pull this act and become “the backup parent” that only steps in when absolutely needed.
These types of dads will only help with the baby when asked and they defer big decisions for their children to their partners.
These men simply don’t want to be heavily involved and feel it’s “the woman’s job to handle the baby stuff.”
Don’t be that guy!
Be the dad that shows his partner how to change a diaper, does his research to help make important decisions for his child, and is an expert with car seats.
That’s who you should strive to be – the confident dad who takes the initiative!
