Find out what it really takes to have a winning mindset for fatherhood.
You might not be ready for fatherhood if your priorities include beer pong and getting so piss drunk on weekends, that you wake up under someone’s car!
If you are more concerned about your Call of Duty rankings instead of learning how to care for your baby, that’s another warning sign you might be a tad immature for this whole dad thing.
A wiseman once told me that “any idiot can knock up his girlfriend, but only a real man will step up and become a father.”
Harsh words, but it doesn’t take any real talent or impressive skillset to make a woman pregnant.
I mean ya, some guys find the ladies scary, but having sex with them doesn’t exactly put you in an exclusive club of elite bad asses!
Billions of guys have had sex, so it’s not some rare accomplishment.
All it really takes is for a woman to make a regretful decision to even sleep with you, and after your two minutes of glory is over, the two of you might have put a bun in the oven.
Again, your work here is not exactly awe inspiring, especially if you roll over and blow your ass before falling asleep.
So, what’s my point?
Any idiot can get a woman pregnant – duh!
However, fatherhood is only for a man who sees his child as a precious gift, not a burden.
Is there a way to get mentally prepared to have a baby?
The biggest mistake an expectant dad can make is living in his fears and relying on his partner to figure things out.
I always enjoy telling my readers that my buddy once told me that women “know how to do all this baby shit” and he didn’t have to be bothered with it.
His wife was totally down with that!
Sure.
How he is still married defies all logic, but no lie, they are still together.
The reality is, and this is going to blow your mind – women don’t just come pre-programmed to take care of babies.
I know it’s wild!
Women actually get baby books, watch videos, take classes and talk to their friends with kids to learn how to care for their newborns.
Now I’m going to really amaze you….
Guys can also do this stuff on their own!
Dude, I know I’m throwing this all at you so fast.
My bad.
How about this reality check – your partner is more than likely just as clueless and scared as you about having a baby.
That’s exactly why you need to take charge and be proactive.
Put your fears aside about having a baby and power through them by educating yourself.
Start reading baby books like… well mine!
“Raising Daddy: The Ultimate Quickstart Guide for Expectant Dads”
However, don’t stop there.
Talk to all the good dads you know, get some of their best insights and advice.
Ask questions at your partner’s prenatal checkups.
Schedule a tour for the maternity ward where your partner plans on having the baby.
Most importantly of all, become an educated consumer about baby products and understand what the essentials are. If you don’t do your homework, this industry will prey on your insecurities as a new parent and rip you off.
The best new dads, take the initiative!
Handling your inner demons
I constantly write about the importance of overcoming your mental baggage if you want to be a great dad.
Why?
Because it’s one of the single most influential factors that will make your child love or hate you.
Fatherhood is only for a man who sees his child as a precious gift, not a burden.
It’s impossible to overcome the challenges of fatherhood if you don’t make peace with yourself before your baby comes along.
Self-loathing is absolute poison to fatherhood.
If you have past trauma, a bad temper or even a lack of patience, you must start working on yourself before your baby is born.
Hopefully these are issues you are aware of and have tried to deal with before, but having a child should give you renewed urgency to tackle your problems.
That’s exactly what happened with me.
I had been physically abused by my father and had my demons to fight, but therapy and my awareness I could become like my dad helped inspire me to change.
By the time I entered adulthood, I was no longer an angry and violent teenager troubled by his past.
However, I was far from perfect and still had a temper and lack of patience.
When my wife became pregnant with our first child (my daughter), I knew the stresses of fatherhood could make me susceptible to reverting back to who I was as a teen and I feared it.
I didn’t want my daughter to suffer because of my past, and I found a way to finally conquer my temper and be the kind of father she and my son deserve.
Just remember that you can’t change your past, but you are in control of your future!
I’m not saying it’s easy to change, but your child is well worth the effort my friend.
Finding the balance of fatherhood
Mentally preparing yourself to be a father is a monumental challenge, I’m not going to sugar coat it.
If it was so easy being a dad, the world would be full of nothing but amazing fathers, right?
However, we know that is total bullshit.
There are millions of rotten dads and deadbeat fathers floating around who failed the test of fatherhood.
In a nutshell, these men took the cowardly way out.
They never could find the courage and balance necessary to be a great dad.
It can be a constant struggle to balance who you used to be with the responsibilities of fatherhood and toeing the line between sacrifice and making yourself happy.
I’ve had my dark times along the way and moments that almost broke me, especially with my son’s autism diagnosis, but one of the universal characteristics of all good dads is resilience.
All dads get knocked down a time or ten, but we get up and keep battling back!
We even have our moments when we feel sorry for ourselves and wish for our childfree days, but that is called being human, and it doesn’t make you a shitty dad.
Even moms fall into this trap as well because raising kids is exhausting and takes a special kind of selflessness!
However, even though there are days I wish I could return my kids to the baby factory, they are the best thing to ever happen to me!
Simply put, having children has been the most fulfilling thing I have done with my life, and I’m proud to call myself a good father!
