How Much Time Should a Dad Spend With His Newborn?

I’m not afraid to admit that I was pretty naïve when I became a new dad. 

I had a little experience taking care of my younger cousins, and had changed a few diapers in my day, but other than that, I was quite raw as a first-time dad.

However, I understood even as a young teen that it was important for me to be an involved father when my time came.

I grew up in a rough neighborhood where many of my friends didn’t know their fathers, who were either deadbeats, in jail or just plain dead. The few dads who were around, were either drug addicts or alcoholics.

My situation wasn’t much better as I had an abusive father with a violent temper that was routinely directed at me.

My buddies and I simply did the best we could to survive in our dysfunctional environment, but most of us were casualties of shitty and uninvolved dads.

From about the age of 14 or 15, I dreamed about changing my stars and being a loving and dedicated father to some child one day. This was my way of fighting back against all I had witnessed and endured growing up.

I held onto the theory that if I could become a great dad, it would be full on proof that I had beaten the odds and not repeated the devastating mistakes of the “fathers” I had known in my youth.

When my wife became pregnant, I was finally presented with the opportunity to keep my promise, and I was determined to push through despite my fears about fatherhood.

Don’t let fear hold you back from spending time with your newborn

When my daughter was born and the live bullets started to fly, I quickly discovered that the key to becoming a great dad is simply getting yourself involved with your child’s care.

I jumped right in there and made things up as I went along. If I didn’t understand something, I usually read about it, asked my wife for help or spoke with our midwife when she was around. 

Being proactive helped me to consume large swaths of information about our newborn and turbocharged my confidence. 

You will discover just as I did, that a PhD isn’t required to care for your baby.

Changing diapers, feeding, burping, dressing and bathing your child are repetitive tasks that almost anyone can master – IF they are willing to learn the basics.

So many new dads miss out on these golden opportunities to spend time with their baby, mostly because of fear. However, none of it is really that difficult to learn!

What if I can’t get past my anxiety about being a new dad?

If you are riddled with self-doubt about taking care of a newborn, I’m sure you have that inner voice telling you that:

“You are going to drown your baby in the bathtub or mix the formula wrong! Way too many things can go wrong my dude!”

I’ve heard that voice as well and it can be relentless, but you aren’t helpless in this situation. You must fight back by empowering yourself with knowledge and summoning your courage to fight back.

Yes, you are going to make mistakes and have close calls, but the chances of you accidentally killing your baby are pretty low. 

Just use common sense, like not leaving your baby in the tub alone to answer the doorbell, carefully read label directions, etc. 

Being proactive helped me to consume large swaths of information about our newborn and turbocharged my confidence.

Remember, most of this stuff you will be doing repeatedly, until you can do most of it in your sleep (which is kind of a requirement for new fathers!).

I know it can be nerve wracking to try and bathe a slippery, naked little baby for the first time, but each subsequent time it gets a little bit easier, until you aren’t even thinking about how you will mess up anymore.

Every new dad goes through this, so please don’t think that your fears make you weak or an unfit father.

Your willingness to keep learning and pushing on is what will make you a great dad!

How much time should I ultimately spend with my newborn?

There isn’t a set amount of time that your pediatrician or midwife will recommend spending with your baby.

Keep in mind that an involved father will naturally be around his baby a healthy amount of time just caring for her. Feeding your baby and even changing her diaper are opportunities for the two of you to bond, and to help teach your baby about the world around her. 

A father plays a pivotal role in the cognitive development of his newborn, just through his voice and facial expressions. Your child will be learning language and her cues about the world because of you!

How powerful and mind blowing is that?

This is why it’s so important that you speak to your baby when you are around her and express your emotions in an exaggerated way. Don’t simply change a diaper in silence, narrate what you are doing or pretend to have a conversation about whatever comes to mind.

Bitch about your day at work, or the coach from your favorite sports team. 

Talk about the weather and maybe sneak in a complaint or two about the government!

It doesn’t really matter what you are saying, just the fact that you are using your native language and expressing your emotions will help your baby feel closer to you and eventually this will help her to learn to speak and socialize with others.

Ultimately, your presence is what will help your baby thrive and it’s your job as a father to teach her how to explore the world through all five of our senses.

All it takes is a little imagination on your part and a willingness to find your long-lost inner child as well when you go exploring together.

You and your partner will be the sun and the moon in your baby’s sky, and being involved with her from the very beginning is truly the key to raising a happy, well-adjusted child!