New parents must stare down the challenges of not only learning how to take care of their newborn, but keeping the flames of passion alive with their partner.
The day I met my wife, I was absolutely smitten. She had a smile that instantly put me at ease, and we hit it off like old soul mates.
She didn’t take offense to my sarcastic wit, and she playfully returned serve with some of her own zingers.
My wife was the first woman I met that truly got my sense of humor, and it almost shocked me how fun it was to joke around with her.
Her laid-back attitude was such a breath of fresh air, that I found myself talking about things I’d never dare to share with strangers.
As we parted ways that evening, this incredible woman promised to text me the next day, and I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face on the drive back to my house.
It felt like I was floating all the way home because she was perfect in every way.
I had hit the jackpot!
However, the glow of the evening started to wear off once I got home and started to reflect on everything.
Her existence was utterly ridiculous the more I mulled things over.
Something was up, I could feel it in my bones!
No woman could have the rare trifecta of being this attractive, chill as hell and actually like me… especially the last part!
I began to suspect this was all a big hoax and I was being played.
It was the only thing that made sense.
Maybe she wanted to use me to get back at her cheating boyfriend or husband.
Or even worse, the whole “I’ll text you tomorrow” line was all BS and just a way to get rid of the big freak show!
That had to be it – right?
I knew I couldn’t be this lucky, so I prepared myself for the disappointment of never speaking to her again.
Then she sent my crazy ass a text that same night asking if she could call!
My future wife said she wanted to hear my voice again…
I couldn’t believe this was real!
We ended up talking late into the night and made plans to meet up again.
As you can imagine, one thing lead to another, and she became my lover, confidant, and best friend all rolled into one.
I never had a bond like this with anyone before in my life, and we made things official a few years after first meeting each other.
However, before I knew it, we had our daughter and things started to get a little weird…
Will having a baby change the relationship with my partner?
Let’s get the suspense out of the way – in most cases, yes.
However, this doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing.
Every couple is unique in the way that they handle the birth of their first child. However, introducing a third party to your little love triangle is bound to alter it in some big and small ways.
As I detailed earlier, my wife and I developed a strong bond built on the love, trust and attraction we felt for each other. Unfortunately, I would be lying if I told you that our relationship was smooth sailing after our daughter was born.
Here are a few of the major issues I ran into with my wife postpartum, and while some of these circumstances may not end up applying to your situation, almost every new dad I have spoken with experienced at least one or two of these problems.
Your sex life may suffer after having a baby
Let’s be real, one of the most important ways to feel closer to our wives/girlfriends, is through sex.
When you take that out of the equation, things can get frustrating, and resentment can quickly build up for both you and your partner.
A woman’s libido is a roller coaster ride while she is pregnant and well after giving birth, but this is something you must be respectful of.
Keep in mind that she is most likely in pain, doesn’t feel great about how her body looks, and will be exhausted most of the time, especially after your baby pops out.
The hard truth is, having a baby isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac for most women, which makes total sense.
In my situation, I started to feel jealous of the attention my wife was showing my daughter, and I missed the ways she used to touch me in our baby free days. It felt like I was being cast aside and she no longer had any desire to be with me.
This issue was compounded by the fact that we stopped having sex mid-way through her pregnancy.
I had to remind myself that this was a temporary thing, and it was my first wakeup call that being a father was all about sacrificing for your child.
Before my wife was pregnant, we had a great sex life, but it was no longer her priority, and that took time for me to accept.
It doesn’t matter if your partner is the sweetest, most loving and patient woman in the world with you. Once she becomes pregnant and has your baby, she will be in no mood to suffer fools.
Within about six months postpartum, our sex life returned to normal, which is honestly faster than most couples we knew (at least the ones who were open about it!).
Unfortunately, the road back to intimacy with your wife or girlfriend could be a bumpy one.
There are a variety of reasons why this may happen, including your partner experiencing pain during sex, things just not feeing quite right during intercourse, and both of you simply having a low libido because of exhaustion, the baby blues or depression.
While I hate to mention this last part, a relationship can forever be altered when a man loses attraction to his partner after she gives birth.
Exhaustion can test even the strongest relationship
One of the obvious signs that I needed to marry my wife (aside from her beauty and kindness), was how easily we were able to resolve our fights.
It was rare that we ever got into a shouting match when having an argument. Now my wife did throw a cell phone at me once, but she said it was an accident!
Other than that one ‘accident’, it was almost surreal how well we got along and talked through our disagreements.
Even though we had this rare ability to hear each other out and be patient with each other, our kindness towards one another was tested to the max with our newborn.
On many occasions my wife would lecture me about how I changed a diaper wrong or left some dirty dishes in the sink. It was these little things she would nag me about that really started to get on my nerves.
My wife wasn’t a naggy type before our daughter was born, but in her defense, I was messing up the diaper changes at times, and while normally a neat freak, I no longer cared about dishes in the sink.
I was too damn tired, and so was she.
Both of us were trying to get by on only a few hours’ sleep, and she and I were cranky and low on patience.
The nine months of your partner’s pregnancy and the first several months postpartum will be the ultimate test of your relationship – trust me.
It doesn’t matter if your partner is the sweetest, most loving and patient woman in the world with you. Once she becomes pregnant and has your baby, she will be in no mood to suffer fools.
You in turn will need to learn how to brush things off and not build up any resentment. In many cases if your partner starts bitching at you, there is likely a good reason.
Try your best to do your share in helping with the baby and the chores around the house, while making an effort to bite your tongue when she acts crusty with you.
Lashing out at your partner won’t make things better – it will just build up a well of resentment between the two of you!
Your baby is going to make you jealous – deal with it
As I touched on earlier, one of the biggest obstacles a new dad has to overcome is jealousy of his child.
The attention your wife or girlfriend used to reserve for you, will now be fully on your newborn.
I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy, but give it time and let the process play out.
Your partner will eventually find a happy balance. She has enough love for the two of you, but you must remember that your newborn needs her more than you do.
Man up and don’t make a big issue out of it, or your jealousy will eventually drive a wedge between the two of you.
Your dating life will be non-existent
Before my wife got pregnant, we were a very active couple that always went out and enjoyed life. We most especially enjoyed hiking together, going dancing, or having a random picnic at the park, but that went straight out the window after my daughter was born.
We went from spending all this alone time together having fun, laughing and engaging in deep conversations, then going home for mind blowing sex, to bitching about who’s turn it was to change a dirty diaper!
Ya think that’s a big change?
Obviously.
It was almost a year before my wife and I started making an effort to have date nights again and rediscovered why we fell in love in the first place.
Your mileage with your partner may vary here, but prepare yourself for the fact that it could be a while before you and her get to go out alone together again.
You must accept these changes for your relationship to keep growing
Your life and relationship with your partner are surely going to change when your baby comes around.
There is no getting around that, but it’s how you deal with these changes that will ultimately determine the bond between the three of you!
Despite my perpetual exhaustion I did my best to take these transitions in stride.
No matter how tired I was feeling on a particular day, I still made an effort to touch and kiss my wife as much as possible after the baby was born.
I knew it was important to keep some kind of intimacy alive between us, even if it was a touch on the shoulder or a small kiss on the head.
On some days it felt like I was wasting my time and things would never be the same, but I kept hanging in there and held out hope my patience and efforts would eventually pay off – and it did!
Keep in mind that your partner will also be on her own timeline, and I would caution against you trying to rush things.
Just keep talking yourself through it all, and always keep the lines of communication open with your wife or girlfriend.
Don’t ever shut her out because you are feeling jealous or neglected. That will only serve the opposite effect and harm your relationship with your partner.
If you are patient and understanding, there is no reason your relationship wont just survive, but it will only grow stronger as the two of you learn the subtle art of being both lovers and parents!
