All new parents hope to build a lifetime bond with their child, but quite often the biggest roadblock is a delicate mix of vulnerability and honesty.
The “insult” rolled off my daughter’s tongue with as much malice as she could muster.
“You’re such a boomer!”
She stood there smirking, confident that she landed a colossal zinger that would wreck my dad mojo. Dads like me who have been in the trenches long enough know that’s when you come right back over top with a more subtle and confusing insult.
“I’m not a Boomer, but I wouldn’t expect a Zoomer to know that!”, I shot back.
My daughter curled her upper lip, and I could see the cocky smile fade away as self-doubt set in.
“I’m not a Zoomer! Wait, what’s a Zoomer?”
Ah, how the tables had turned, and I decided there would be no mercy for this offense.
“A Zoomer is someone who isn’t cool enough to know about Bugle Boy pants and Cds, you know…you.”
Before she even had a chance to ask about the glory of Bugle Boys, I informed her I was actually part of Generation X, only the coolest generation of bad asses to grace the planet.
We didn’t need phones and apps to have fun as kids, we knew how to make our own fun, and we didn’t need seatbelts and helmets either!
That’s when I got her patented eye roll and then… she got me…
“Ok, whatever Boomer. No helmets? That explains a lot!”
My dad mojo was stunned, like a street brawler catching an uppercut from a southpaw.
I hit her with a Youtube junkie crack, but she stopped playing and threw out a Smurfs cartoon quip.
All I could think to myself was.. “Shit dude, you should have never told her that was your favorite cartoon growing up!”
That’s when I realized I couldn’t win this showdown, I was going toe to toe with mini me.
She had all my sarcastic wit, and she knew all my weaknesses.
That’s when I played dirty and threatened to sell all her hockey gear on Ebay!
As my daughter started laughing and walked away, it was one of those moments that made me realize how lucky I was to be a father. I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter, and she just gets me and my oddball sense of humor.
When my wife was pregnant with my daughter, I would spend countless hours musing about what she would be like.
Would we have a great relationship? Would she be fun to be around?
Would she even like me?
Some say I’m an acquired taste, so there were no guarantees here!
When you are a new or expectant dad, it’s quite common to have these thoughts and fears. It can be overwhelming to think about your baby growing into an actual walking and talking human one day.
A human that you actually care about if she likes you or not!
What dad wants their kid to grow up and think he’s a jerk?
If you want to avoid that depressing situation, it’s going to take effort on your part. A great relationship with your child won’t just magically happen, sorry.
New Parents Tips for Bonding With Your Child
Bonding with your child is much easier when she is younger, but that dynamic changes when she grows older and becomes this complex individual – one that asks tough questions and has opinions!
Sometimes those opinions may not line up with yours, believe it or not, as smart as us dads are and all (any moms reading this, I see you rolling your eyes!). Even worse, those tough questions might make you really, REALLY uncomfortable.
As my daughter grew, I decided early on to always be honest and open with her. I wanted us to keep no secrets from one another, but this two-way street wasn’t always easy for both of us to navigate in the beginning.
When my daughter started to ask me sexual questions, or the time I told her about the physical abuse I suffered as a child, it was difficult for me. However, I kept my promise, and was open with her about whatever she asked or wanted to discuss.
It also took my daughter time to feel comfortable telling me everything and not keeping secrets, as she was fearful of judgement and repercussions if she had done something wrong.
This is truly a delicate dance, especially when your child is honest about something that ultimately needs to be punished.
Finding the right balance between teaching her a lesson and not losing her trust, will often cause friction in your relationship. However, it’s your job to help her understand that being forthcoming, doesn’t mean it absolves her from punishment.
Just remember this, even when it feels like your child doesn’t trust you, believe me, she still wants to confide in you. That is your secret weapon, and all you must do is keep reassuring her that you are there when she wants to talk.
Developing a close relationship with your child will likely require that you go outside of your comfort zone and be brutally honest, even when the truth doesn’t always make you look like the cool dad anymore (maybe you got bullied in school, or did things you aren’t proud of!).
Our sons and daughters want to hear about our past and get a better understanding of what we were like at their age.
When they discover that you weren’t perfect and made mistakes, or maybe you were kind of the geeky awkward kid, it makes them feel better about themselves, while bringing you closer together for being open about your past.
The same holds true of the present – don’t be afraid to let your child know that you aren’t all knowing and live life without fear. Showing this type of vulnerability makes it much easier for your child to confide her own hopes and fears with you.
The big secret to developing a great relationship with your child is all about letting go of your own hang ups and to just be real with her. When you put your ego in your back pocket, without trying to build yourself into some kind of superhero, it will actually help bring the two of you closer!
Now get out there and tell her what a dork you used to be!
