What Should Dads Do After Their Baby Is Born?

“I’m thinking about getting an apartment and moving out!”, my buddy, Kevin, said with a straight face.

I cracked a smile, assuming Kevin was just messing around, or he had gone stir crazy from being stuck in the house for too long.

My friend and his wife had a baby several months earlier, and while it was an unplanned pregnancy, I assumed he was happy to be a dad.

Wrong!

His wife told me in confidence that he refused to take care of his baby because it was “too much work” and it was “a woman’s job anyway”.

The only reason Kevin never moved into an apartment and left his wife alone to care for their baby, is he couldn’t make the finances work.

No joke!

Somehow, Kev and his wife are still together fifteen years later – which defies all logic given what I know about my buddy.

I do know his wife resents him, however.

Unfortunately, he isn’t my only friend who tried to run away from his responsibilities as a father.

From playing X-box while the baby cried, to cheating on their partners, I have some stories that would leave you dumbfounded!

However, you don’t want to take this path and be an insta-deadbeat dad.

Right?

Keep reading and I will explain how you can be a good father from the beginning and avoid your partner dreaming about snuffing you out with a pillow!

Becoming an involved father is a state of mind

Hopefully you will become an involved father long before your baby is due, as there is much to do, and nine months blows by in the blink of an eye (for expectant dads at least!).

However, if you have put things off out of laziness or fear, it’s not the end of the world. For some guys, the wakeup call into reality doesn’t happen until their child is born.

Just bear in mind that you will have a lot more catching up to do, but the important part is you are at least now willing to accept your responsibilities as a father.

Ultimately, if you are a proactive dad to be or get out of the gate a little slow, your approach to fatherhood is all about your mental game. 

Learning to care for your baby isn’t terribly difficult, but it is exhausting, and I can promise you that it will be one of the biggest challenges of your lifetime.

If you learn to embrace that challenge and not run from it, you are now in the proper mindset of a good father!

What does a good father do after his baby is born?

Once your child pops out into the world and the live bullets start to fly, you will have to take on many roles as a new dad.

Keep in mind that you don’t want to be the guy who relies on his wife or girlfriend to take the lead. 

During her pregnancy, your partner will be going through her own battles, both mental and physical, and things will get even tougher on her once the baby comes along!

Your wife or girlfriend deserves an equal partner, not some rube who will be playing video games or going out with his buddies while she tends to your baby.

With that in mind, let’s look at some of the most common ways you can step up as a new father and be a true boss!

Support your partner and be her best advocate

Your partner will need you to fight for her both during the birthing process and after. I don’t mean physically throw down with the doctors and nurses, but you must be willing to speak up for your wife or girlfriend when she can’t fend for herself.

When my wife was in labor with our daughter, I had to step outside the room with the obstetrician and basically ask this woman to show a little more compassion. I’m sure the doctor was angry with me for calling out her rude behavior, but her demeanor towards my wife noticeably changed after our discussion.

I also had to deal with a pushy lactation consultant who was upsetting my wife and believe it or not, a relative who insisted on seeing the baby, even though my wife was exhausted!

Basically, I had to be a mediator that had my wife’s best interests in mind and stick up for her.

If you aren’t an assertive guy, you must learn to get outside of your comfort zone and speak up. I’m not exactly a shy person, but it was ultra-awkward for me to scold a doctor and I sucked it up and did what I felt was best for my wife.

If you are the confrontational type, be careful that you don’t end up flying off the handle and become the biggest problem for your partner. Stay cool and keep things civil, but don’t be afraid to get your point across – without being a lunatic!

Learn the basics and share responsibilities with your partner

As I noted earlier, learning the fundamentals of baby care really isn’t rocket surgery. Many new dads with crap attitudes pretend to be stupid so they can get out of diaper changes, feedings, baths, etc.

If a guy can’t figure out how to change a diaper and dress his kid, then he truly is dumb as a rock!

However, in almost every case, new fathers who don’t learn the basics of baby care aren’t stupid, they are just lazy and selfish.

That’s just a simple truth.

Learning to care for your baby isn’t terribly difficult, but it is exhausting, and I can promise you that it will be one of the biggest challenges of your lifetime.

Dads are just as important as moms, remember that.

You can even “breastfeed” your baby with a bottle when your partner pumps breastmilk. So aside from your child literally sucking milk from your nipple, you can take on every single role of your wife or girlfriend for your child.

The best parents, and the couples who don’t resent each other, are the ones who share the responsibility of raising their child.

This shared responsibility should happen the moment you are expecting right up until your child leaves the nest.

C-sections means dad becomes the hero

Ok, your partner is still the big hero for giving birth, but you can be like Robin to her Batman!

If your wife or girlfriend gives birth via c-section, she is going to be out of commission for a while.

She will be unable to lift your baby and will be mostly on bed rest for several weeks.

This means you will have to step up your game and become dun dun dun…. superdad!

Fair warning, I went through this when my son was born, and it was a massive challenge.

I had to take care of both my wife and son, while also caring for my daughter. 

Point blank, I was sleep deprived like hell and had days when I didn’t know if I could push through another minute – but I always found a way, because there was no backup plan, just me!

There were countless moments I wasn’t sure if I was living in the real world or not, but the talking burritos generally gave it away, but not always!

My best advice to you, is to plan the maximum amount of time off work as your employer will allow. 

If you are in the U.S., please research the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) which entitles you up to 12 weeks of unpaid time off to help care for your partner and child.

The dangers of postpartum depression

Your role as a new father also means looking out for both your partner’s mental well-being, as well as your own.

Unfortunately, postpartum depression (PPD) will occur within 15-20% of women, generally six weeks after giving birth.

Please be aware that there is a common misconception about PPD only occurring several weeks after birth, but it can materialize up to a year later!

Complicating this deadly issue, are the baby blues, which can present as PPD in women.

However, the baby blues are more common and last for only a couple of weeks.

It is your responsibility to understand the difference between PPD and the baby blues, and to monitor your partners mental well-being.

You can learn more about both conditions on the Mayo Clinic website by clicking here.

Also, it’s imperative that you understand that men are susceptible to a form of PPD as well.

Unfortunately, PPD that has been left untreated in new fathers can be deadly as well.

If you are feeling depressed after your child is born, please reach out to a family member or friend to discuss your feelings.

You can also talk to an anonymous counselor on the Postpartum Support International hotline.

The best fathers keep evolving

Fatherhood is all about rising to the moment, and doing what needs to be done, year after year.

You must keep changing and become a better version of yourself to meet the demands of being a father.

It sounds simple, but if it was that easy, there wouldn’t be so many deadbeat dads and shitty fathers out there in the world.

Being a dad has truly been the hardest thing I have ever done, but the most rewarding as well!

Responsibility and sacrifice. 

Putting your child’s needs before your own.

Dealing with the awkward situations fatherhood will put you in.

Being someone’s hero and role model.

All of this can be overwhelming as hell when you are a first-time dad. 

However, great fathers are built over time by holding themselves accountable for their mistakes.

This is how men evolve through fatherhood and become love and adored by their children!