There are incredible lifetime benefits for children who have a loving and patient father. Learn how easy it is to start becoming an involved father with your baby!
I have never been shy about telling InsiderDaddy readers of my abusive past, but it is never easy on me.
My father was the provider for our family, but he was an angry man that was haunted by his demons, and on any given day I was likely to be on the receiving end of his violent temper.
To be blunt, I lived most of my childhood in terror, never knowing when I’d be thrown a bad beating just for existing. This type of physical and mental abuse in turn threatened to transform me into a monster as well.
Fortunately, my mother did her best to raise me to take another path, one that taught me how to control my temper and be a patient and loving father.
As I grew older, I discovered the source of my father’s anger was his own abusive childhood, and after I forgave him, we became as close as a father and son can be.
However, my childhood would have been vastly different if my father had been more involved when I was born.
He essentially left everything about child-rearing up to my mom, and never played with me or my brother as babies or even when we grew older.
This made it impossible for him to bond with us, and we suffered the consequences of his self-loathing. However, keep in mind that even to this day, my father is racked with guilt for his poor choices.
The important role a father plays in his baby’s development
While your presence in your baby’s life is critical to forging a lifetime bond with him, you will also have a huge hand in helping your child’s cognitive and social development.
The best part about all of this is you don’t have to be some Einstein level genius to be an involved father.
All you really need is a willingness to spend time with your baby and the desire to learn how to care for him.
Really, that’s it!
Ok, but what should I do to help my baby’s development?
You are only limited by your imagination, but some of the most effective things I used to do include:
Being a Narrator – Researchers aren’t quite sure yet how baby’s learn language, but they do know that a child’s caregivers are the primary teachers of her native tongue. Believe it or not, even at four months, your baby will already be able to detect the differences between language and other sounds.
And guess who they are listening to the most?
Mom and dad!
This is why you should always be in narration mode and explain to your baby everything you are doing. Talk about how you are changing a diaper or cutting up vegetables:
“I am using the knife to cut the carrots into big slices and now I’m putting them into the white bowl!”
It may feel weird as hell at first, but just be as detailed as possible because every descriptive word you use, is helping your baby to learn your language.
Be mindful that your baby needs to be able to hear what you are saying to digest everything, so keep the tv and radio off as much as possible.
Use babbling to have conversations – Around 5-6 months of age, your baby will start to babble, and this is a perfect opportunity to have “discussions” with your child.
This was one of my favorite things to do with my kids when they were babies, and you can really use your imagination here.
Just pretend your child is using words when they babble and reply to her using a two-way tone.
“You did what today?”
“Really? I love to play with blocks to!”
Make sure you laugh a lot and make expressive faces so your baby stays engaged!
Be a world explorer – your baby will learn about the environment she is in by exploring everything around her. She will be using her five senses to help guide her though all this confusion and make sense of everything.
For instance, a pillow feels soft, the whistle makes a loud sound, and putting a cat turd in her mouth tastes yucky (yes, it happens!).
Take advantage of your baby’s natural curiosity by helping her explore things together.
Don’t be the absent father who shirks his responsibilities and cheats his son or daughter out of having a real dad.
I used to hold my kids and walk around our old apartment, showing them various things. The clock, a plant, a statute on the mantle. Then explained what these items were and allowed them to touch everything.
When we used to visit the park, I would take my kids out of the baby carriage then stroll around, letting them touch tree leaves, feel the grass under their toes, and would point out “interesting” things like squirrels or people walking their dogs.
This kind of joint exploring is a fantastic way for you to actively help your baby learn about her environment.
Read to your baby – one of the most powerful ways to help your child learn language, is to read to her. I started reading to my kids when they were only a couple months old, which is highly encouraged by language experts.
Now I’m not talking about novels written by Earnest Hemingway here, but simple picture books that are brightly illustrated and engaging.
This will give you the opportunity to point to various objects and help your baby learn the names for these items.
She will also be absorbing the words you are reading and slowly over time, making sense of it all!
The benefits of being an involved father
As you can see, spending time with your baby and helping her develop really isn’t rocket surgery. Any guy can do it, but the difficult part for many guys is becoming less selfish.
Until you become a dad, most of your life will be spent thinking about yourself and “what’s best for M-E!”
For some men, turning off that self-centered attitude isn’t always easy, but to be a good father, it’s absolutely necessary.
I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to get actively involved in your child’s life from day one. Don’t be the absent father who shirks his responsibilities and cheats his son or daughter out of having a real dad.
Research is starting to show that there is a positive link for children with involved fathers that includes:
- Higher academic achievements
- Greater emotional security
- Less self-esteem issues
- Fewer behavioral problems
You will wield a great amount of power in how your child’s life will turn out, but your attitude towards fatherhood is ultimately going to help determine if your child suffers or thrives!
