A good father isn’t judged by the size of his bank account or personal accomplishments. To master fatherhood, you must be rich in more important ways, or risk losing the love of your child.
“This is her fault!” I angrily kept muttering to myself.
Then I started to pace the floor with my head down, desperately hoping I could find a way out of the situation my wife had created.
The walls around me felt like they were getting smaller, and I could feel my heart slamming into my chest.
What was the source of my distress?
My wife was in the bathroom taking a damn pregnancy test!
This had put me into a state of hysteria, and I decided to jump right on the train to Krazytown.
I was so far gone that I had momentarily convinced myself that my wife “forced” me to get her pregnant.
Ya, I went there…
There was little doubt in my cracked-up mind how this all happened!
It was so obvious it was the fateful day I was watching the football game, and she came in and whispered that “we have to do it now, I’m ovulating!”
If she came out of the bathroom all pregnant, it had to be her fault, see?
I just wanted to watch the game and she made me do it!
It wasn’t fair and I wasn’t ready to be a dad.
I started thinking of escape routes if she came out with that dreaded stick and told me I was now going to be responsible for another life.
No government in the world would allow someone like me to be a father, I reasoned with myself, so I would totally be doing everyone a favor if I took off.
My logic was completely sound!
Have you ever gone full on crazy and had an out of body experience where you just look down at yourself acting like a fool?
That’s exactly what was happening to me.
It’s a surreal feeling when you are aware your behavior is bananas, but you just lose all sense of reason.
I had to find my way back from Krazytown before my wife came out of the bathroom, and oddly enough, the sound of the door clicking open brought me back to reality.
My wife confirmed we were having a baby, and in that moment, I was able to feel nothing but pure joy!
However, it was only a matter of hours later when my anxiety began to creep back up on me.
Becoming a great father has nothing to do with past achievements
Like many expectant fathers before me, I started to obsess about how worthy I was to become a parent and wondered what a good daddy resume would look like.
Did I need to have a certain level of professional success?
Should you have prior experience taking care of kids?
Do you have to be devilishly handsome?
Well, I certainly passed the good-looking part – so I was in!
Then I looked in the mirror and reconsidered my credentials…
All kidding aside, the truth is that your personal success or lack thereof, has very little to do with what type of father you will become.
It doesn’t matter if you are a well accomplished individual or a guy who has a trail of hard luck stories hanging over his head.
The wasteland of shitty fathers is littered with both types of men, and it’s up to you to avoid joining them.
What does it take to be a good father then?
You don’t have to be a millionaire with a life that rivals Christopher Lee, to be worthy of being a dad. In fact, some of the greatest dads I know, my maternal grandfather included, lived modest and unassuming lives.
My grandfather worked at a beer distributor and made just enough to make ends meet for his family of six. Yet, he was full of life and one of the kindest men who ever walked the earth.
All his children turned out well, especially my mother, and each of them adored this wonderful man.
In my humble opinion, my grandfather was a perfect example of what a great father should be, and he never accumulated great wealth or was known for any distinguished accomplishments.
He just went about his business of being a good, honest man who understood what it took to be a great dad.
Hell ya, most of us would love to have our kids grow up and find out we are a rock star or famous athlete, but that’s not how it works for a majority of fathers.
However, this isn’t about massaging our egos and impressing our children with our life accomplishments.
It is about being there for our kids, supporting them, and doing our best to make sure they turn out as happy and well-adjusted humans.
You don’t have to be a millionaire with a life that rivals Christopher Lee, to be worthy of being a dad.
That takes sacrifice, love and a big ass heap of patience.
All things any man can provide his child if he is willing, no matter what walk of life he comes from.
Now, I won’t deny that it is easier to provide for your child when you are well off, but please remember that a man’s wealth is not a good barometer of the type of father he is.
(If you are a new dad struggling with finances, please read my article on the financial help and free baby products out there for new parents.)
You will be a hero to your child
As I got well into the trenches of fatherhood, I started to realize I was becoming a “superhero without a cape” to my kids.
If you do things right by your child, he will look up to you in much the same way. In fact, for a dozen or so years, you will be the center of your kid’s universe.
Becoming someone’s hero is a great responsibility, especially when it is your child.
Unfortunately, I’ve known cases where crap fathers have betrayed that doe eyed wonderment.
It’s always sad to see how the light goes out in a child’s eyes when they realize that their father is nothing but a selfish asshole.
So please never assume that your accomplishments in life will ever be a substitute for the devotion your child deserves from you. All good fathers understand that the love of their child is earned over time, and it’s not something that is given just because you helped create a life!
