No two guys will experience the same journey through fatherhood, but here are the universal experiences all new dads must go through in the first year.
“I’m a real dad now!”
It was the morning of my daughter’s birthday, and I kept congratulating myself for making it through her first year.
When I became a father for the first time, I was so full of anxiety about the road ahead, that I often fantasized about being a veteran father who had all the answers.
However, by the time my daughter turned one, my journey through fatherhood helped reveal many things about myself that I both loved and loathed.
Becoming a dad forced me to become a better man, but most importantly it taught me that I have the type of inner-strength I never believed was possible.
You see, shortly after the joy of having my first child, my mother was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer.
I was baptized into fatherhood under intense stress, trying to care for both a dying mother and a baby.
Now I wish I could tell you I handled it all like a champ and never wavered, but I had my fair share of unflattering moments, then picked myself off the ground and kept going.
Unfortunately, my mother lost her battle with cancer shortly after my daughter’s first birthday, but we did manage to have a little party at the hospice where my mother passed.
It was a challenging year that almost broke me numerous times, but I found deep within myself the type of resiliency I’ve come to rely on often as a father.
While I hope the first year of your child’s life is more joyful than mine was, I want to share with you some universal similarities that all dads will likely experience in those twelve months.
You will discover who you really are
As I touched on above, nothing holds a mirror to reflect on, quite like fatherhood.
You will have to confront who you really are, and for many guys that can be frightening as hell.
Maybe your discovery reveals that you are kind of a selfish prick.
Or perhaps you don’t have control of your temper and lack any type of patience.
Many guys find out they aren’t very good at dealing with adversity and fatherhood tests the limit of their ability to persevere.
This is why far too many men can’t handle being a dad and take off.
On the flipside, the discovery of these weakness about ourselves, forces us to grow as men and become better versions of ourselves.
This of course only happens to the guys who don’t take the cowardly way out!
The first several months are a grind
I’m not going to sugarcoat things here – you will be in survival mode for the first few months after your baby is born.
I wish I could say it’s like going down rainbow slides and high fiving unicorns, but you will be the equivalent of the Walking Dead and somehow have to figure out how to be a functional human being.
Sounds awesome, right?
I don’t mean to scare you, but I‘m being completely honest about what’s to come.
You will have to learn all the baby care basics, which mercifully isn’t that difficult. It just takes a little willingness on your part to learn it all.
However, your newborn will be a single-minded machine who has one purpose in life – to thrive.
This means eating, sleeping and crapping all day.
The worst of it is that your newborn doesn’t distinguish between night and day, nor does he give a damn!
He’s all about himself and you are a zombie slave to his desires.
You will be losing countless hours of sleep.
You will be miserable on most days.
You will get through it!
Fortunately, around the 4-5 month mark, your baby will start sleeping through the night and you can get on a more normal routine.
Sort of!
The big granddaddy milestones
As a new parent one of the first things you will learn about is baby milestones.
Think of these as little checkpoints each month to see how your baby is progressing.
Some parents will obsess over these milestones and worry when their babies don’t meet certain goals on time.
While there could be a reason for concern if your baby isn’t hitting his milestones on time, in most cases it’s nothing more than a simple delay, and he will eventually get there on his own schedule.
There are a whole slew of milestones you can look for each month, but let’s look at some of the most important ones that will happen during baby’s first year:
Smiling – nothing will melt your heart like your baby’s first smile! Even as your child grows older, her smile will always be the sun that lights up your sky.
However, don’t confuse those early smirks with no real meaning, like when your newborn passes gas and cracks a smile.
I am talking about social smiles, which happen around the 6-12 week mark. These grins are your baby’s way of communicating pleasure and delight with you, and they are usually just reserved for the people your baby trust’s the most.
Babbling – this is your baby’s first attempt to learn your language and start attempting to speak.
He won’t be speaking real words, much like your uncle Jed after he’s had a few too many beers, but it’s important you acknowledge these efforts to communicate with you.
Pretend you understand your baby’s nonsense and have a conversation with him. This will encourage your baby to keep giving this language thing a go, all while he learns real words from you!
You can expect babbling to start around the 4-5 month mark.
Sleeping through the night – next to walking, this is the biggie milestone all parents look forward to.
You can now stop being zombie dad and get more than 2-3 hours of sleep a night!
Just keep in mind that this milestone doesn’t mean your baby will be catching Zs for eight hours at a time.
Not at first, anyway.
In general, a baby will start sleeping 5-6 hours at night around 4-5 months of age, and by 8-9 months be able to sleep 8 hours or more.
Eating solids – around the six-month mark, your baby will graduate to eating solid food, but his diet will still consist mainly of breastmilk or formula.
Over time the milk/formula can be phased out, but this won’t usually happen until well after the first year.
Keep in mind that when your baby hits this milestone, changing diapers hits a whole new level of misery from the stench!
Crawling – during the first 7-10 months of your baby’s life, he will practice various ways at becoming mobile and building up the strength to attempt crawling.
This includes rolling over, scooting and bottom shuffling before he finally finds the courage to crawl for the first time.
Once your baby hits this milestone, you will need to be on your game and start babyproofing your home, because your little troublemaker will become a full- time terror at this stage!
Walking – as the years pass by, most parents forget the when and how of most baby milestones.
However, most of us remember our children’s first steps!
There is something magical about seeing your child take those precious steps and before you know it, they are running around and making your life hell!
You can expect your child to take those first wobbly steps between 10-15 months.
Please keep in mind that every child is on his or her own timeline, and never to compare your baby to another that is hitting milestones faster.
This will only give you added anxiety and extra stress that you don’t need.
Try to enjoy your child hitting these goals and don’t turn it into a competition with another baby!
The wonderful surprises no one tells you about
A big part of being a new parent, is dealing with the unknown, especially the wretched surprises that can be thrown your way out of the blue.
I’m not going to sugarcoat things here – you will be in survival mode for the first few months after your baby is born.
While there are a plethora of these wonderful potholes you must navigate around, the two that really threw my wife and me for a loop were growth spurts and sleep regression.
Growth spurts – on the whole, growth spurts are a positive thing for your baby. They help her thrive, and that’s what we want for our babies.
However, most parents are unaware of growth spurts and are caught off guard when they first appear.
Our daughter’s first growth spurt happened about two weeks after she was born, and it was a miserable experience.
She cried almost non-stop, all day, into the night.
We thought something was wrong and almost took her to the emergency room, until my sister-in-law suggested that our daughter had hit a growth spurt and needed extra feedings.
My wife couldn’t keep up with the breastfeeding during this particular spurt, so we supplemented with formula and my daughter was finally able to be satisfied.
Crisis averted!
Growth spurts generally happen around the first ten days, then at six weeks, three months and six months.
This is another case where knowledge is power and will help keep you from going into a panic when it happens with your baby!
Sleep regression – nothing is more frustrating than having your baby finally start sleeping through the night, only to go into a sleep regression.
Imagine having your life return to almost normal, and you are finally getting a sound night’s sleep, only to be thrown back into hell again and you return to being, dun dun dun Zombie Dad!
That’s the misery of sleep regression, and there are an untold number of reasons it could rear its ugly head.
Maybe your baby is teething, or he’s decided to practice a cool new skill like rolling over, no matter the cause, you will need to get to the root of it and get your baby back on schedule.
For the lucky parents, sleep regression may last only several days.
For the unfortunate ones, it can take weeks to get your baby back on schedule.
The key here is to stay consistent and keep your same nighttime routine for your baby, and eventually he will get back on track!
The first year is a wild ride
No two guys will have the same journeys through fatherhood, but as I hope I’ve shown you, the first year will have universal similarities for all fathers.
Each dad has to jump on that moving roller coaster and hope he doesn’t get turned into road kill!
We just need to find our courage and take that leap into the great unknown.
That is how you go through the process of self-discovery and come out the other side a changed man, one who is more well prepared to be a real father!
