Will My Relationship With My Parents Change After I Become a Father?

“These are our tools of revenge, Bob!”

Discover how fatherhood will help strengthen the bond you have with your parents.

It was the fourth or fifth time I sprinted over to the window and stuck my head out…

At the time, I was just five years old, but I was on a life-or-death mission to get my mother off the phone!

I had become a well-known little hellraiser amongst family and friends, so my mom knew whatever I was up to was… bad!

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She hung up the phone (just as I planned!) and cautiously approached the window, grabbing my arm as I rounded the corner and stopped me dead in my tracks. 

I tried to hide the Easter eggs I was holding under my shirt, but the gig was up and my mom was about to ruin all my fun.

My mother took a deep breath and peeked out the window, knowing full well the horror that awaited her on the other side…

I of course had just taken the recently dyed Easter eggs and smashed them all over the patio!

It was a beautiful medley of spring colors and hard-boiled eggs!

Now those with an appreciation for the finer things in life would have considered this art, and I was simply a burgeoning prodigy who was expressing himself.

Unfortunately, my mother was not a fan of my artistry!

She scolded me and I was sent directly to my room – without dinner!

Ok, maybe I already had dinner, but spending an hour cooped up in my room was some medieval torture for a five-year-old with boundless energy.

At least I think so because I honestly don’t remember any of this story.

I was five dude!

However, my mother’s eternal revenge was to recount this story to all my girlfriends, including my future wife.

My mom would always finish the story by confessing how I was such a little terror, that she once asked my grandmother if she could turn in her “mom license”.

When my wife and I announced we were having our first baby, my mother couldn’t help but get in another dig by gleefully telling me that her grandchild would get retribution for my past sins against her.

Both of her grandchildren did in fact get payback for my mother, even though she passed shortly after my daughter’s birth.

My wife likes to joke that my mom is up in heaven laughing at me when our kids drive me nuts, but the reality is that becoming a father has helped me to understand my mother better.

From new father to enlightenment

As a new dad, you will be too busy trying to survive the whole baby thing to identify with your parents.

However, once your child hits the “terrible twos” and most especially her pre-teen years, you will find yourself slowly transforming into your parents.

“Shut off the lights when you leave the room!”

“How many times do I have to ask you to brush your damn teeth!”

“Stop! You can’t do that with the cat!”

Just this morning I got into an argument with my teen daughter because she refused to wear a jacket to school.

Somehow, it’s now cool to walk around shaking like hell, because jackets are for lame people like parents!

As my daughter vibrated down to the bus stop, I realized I sounded an awful lot like my dad when he would constantly tell me to zip up my jacket when I was a kid.

At least I was smart enough to have a coat on though, right?

Growing up, most of us never cared enough to realize that our parents were once young and maybe a little wild, with big dreams of their own.

Ultimately, I have had countless little moments like this when I appreciate what my parents went through to raise me, especially my mother, as I had a very poor relationship with my father as a child.

In fact, a big part of the healing process between my father and I came after my daughter was born.

In my early twenties I had forgiven him for the abuse he put me through as a child, but our relationship was still healing.

However, my daughter’s birth was a huge bonding experience for the two of us. 

My dad was a beaming and proud grandfather when she came along, and this was his second chance to make amends for his failures as a father.

To his credit my dad truly ran with the opportunity and has been the ultimate granddad or “pap” as my kids lovingly call him. 

My father has always been there for my wife and me when we need his help with our kids, and he is a massive presence in our children’s lives.

How fatherhood comes full circle

I owe a great deal to fatherhood, not only am I blessed with two beautiful children, but it has provided me with the rare chance to fix the broken relationship I had with my dad.

While you may already have a deep bond with your father, becoming a parent will no doubt strengthen your relationship with him.

You will also see first-hand what your mother went through to bring you into this world, and that will only intensify the love you have for her.

Growing up, most of us never cared enough to realize that our parents were once young and maybe a little wild, with big dreams of their own.

They were just our parents – but the idea that they were once like us was unfathomable. 

It’s a lot like kids who don’t think their teachers are real people with lives outside of the classroom. My daughter continues to be stupefied when she sees one of her teachers at a grocery store or a restaurant.

Omigawd they are real people!

It’s this lack of perception children lean into with their parents as well.

Youthful ignorance blinds kids to the sacrifices their parents make, as if moms and dads aren’t actual humans with feelings.

As adults we start to have a better understanding of what our parents have done for us, but one must be a parent to have full enlightenment. 

Basically, only a father can understand fatherhood and what it takes to be a parent.

This is when life comes full circle, and once you start to walk the same path as your parents, I can almost gurantee your appreciation for them will increase tenfold!